The Academy Awards are upon us! And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “My goodness, if only there was someone out there who would tell me what to watch on this most momentous of weekends!” Fear not, unwashed masses, for I am That Someone. I have heard your cry and am hear To Help (TM)!
The Oscars, as we know (and has been amply demonstrated this year), are an infallible guide to all the is best in cinema. If it isn’t nominated, you should not watch it. If you watched it, and it didn’t get nominated, you are throwing your life away. I mean, really, what are you thinking?
Since you should ONLY be watching Oscar nominees, I’ve put together a helpful list of compulsory (on pain of incarceration) viewing. All these movies are nominees! No guesswork required! I’ve mentioned one or two of the Oscars each was nominated for, along with a detailed description of why they were nominated.
The Towering Inferno (Best Picture, Supporting Actor [Fred Astaire], 1975) – Flames!
The Swarm (Best Costume Design, 1978) – Bees!
The Amityville Horror (Score, 1979) – Flies!
Meteor (Sound Mixing, 1979) – Rocks!
The Black Hole (Cinematography, 1979) – Maximillians!
Moonraker (FX, 1979) – Pointy Teeth!
When Time Ran Out (Costume Design, 1980) – Volcanoes!
Airport ’77 (Costume Design, 1977) – Bermuda Triangle Sumbersible Planes!
Smokey and the Bandit (Editing, 1977) Vrooms!
King of the Zombies (Score, 1941) – Zombies!
Twister (FX, 1996) – Cows!
Silver Streak (Sound Mixing, 1976) – Smiling Trains!
Logan’s Run (Cinematography, Art Direction, 1976) – Carousel!
The Poseidon Adventure (Supporting Actresss [Shelley Winters], Original Song [won], 1972) – Waves!
Ben (Song, 1972) – Rats!
Krakatoa, East of Java (FX, 1969) – Volcanoes!
From which we can conclude volcanoes are the infallible route to an Oscar nomination.
Don’t you feel informed now? You’re welcome. I’m so glad I’m here for you.